billy bob and the trooper.

A paper product salesman calls on his east Indian customer who owns a Subway resteraunt in Brighton Ont
He asks do you need any paper products for the shop?
The owner replies no but i need toliet paper for my house i want cheap
The salesman states he has a case of 3 layer soft as cotton for $32
The owner says no I want cheap its for my house
The salesman says we have 2 layer soft for $20
No no I want cheap cheap
the salesman says they have a new economy line for $12
The Indian says "I vill take a case thank you"
The salesman says that this line of paper has no name and there is a contest to pick a name and the winner gets a week in Vegas
The shop owner says " dats a gouod deal I vill tink about a name four you"
The next month the salsman comes in and askes how the Indian is doing
He says I am" gooud thank you"
I have a name for yourrr toliet paper


You should call it John Wayne

The salesman looks puzzeled?????

Why he askes??

Because it is rough and tough and takes no s**t off of Indians
 
One for our Western Friends

Yesterday Bill and Helen were sitting in the Phoenix Airport waiting to catch a flight to Los Angles. They noticed a man and woman standing across the hallway from them dressed in heavy fur lined parkas, huge mittens and fur hats in hand, they were struggling with the big winter boots.

Helen said to Bill, "I wonder where those people are from and why they are dressed like that, Bill why don't you go and ask them where they are from?"

Bill said "Helen if you want to know that bad you go and ask".

Helen got up and went over to the couple and said "do you mind if I ask where you folks are from?"

The man said "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan".

Helen walked back to Bill and sat down "well where are they from?"

Helen said "I don't know they don't speak english'. :rofl: :confused:
 
Hhahaha. That's right! Saskatchewan!

Hard to spell, easy to draw! :D

A totally uninteresting fact I've learned. You can always tell someone who is not from Saskatchewan. Besides not owning any Roughrider gear, they say Saskatchewaaaan. Where most of us folk pronounce it Saskatchewin. Sort of like the Cal-gry/Cal-gar-ry Calgary thing I've noticed when I go to Alberta. The locals say it in two syllables where us Saskatchewan folk seem to turn it into three!

I have no idea where Torana or T.dot came from. Maybe one of you eastern guys could give us a lesson on the proper pronunciation of Toronto! :D
 
Riley P said:
Hhahaha. That's right! Saskatchewan!

Hard to spell, easy to draw! :D

A totally uninteresting fact I've learned. You can always tell someone who is not from Saskatchewan. Besides not owning any Roughrider gear, they say Saskatchewaaaan. Where most of us folk pronounce it Saskatchewin. Sort of like the Cal-gry/Cal-gar-ry Calgary thing I've noticed when I go to Alberta. The locals say it in two syllables where us Saskatchewan folk seem to turn it into three!

I have no idea where Torana or T.dot came from. Maybe one of you eastern guys could give us a lesson on the proper pronunciation of Toronto! :D
Click to expand...

LOL, as far as I know all those Toronto terms are just slang.

Tronna, T-Dot, TO, TO-town, the Big Smoke......all slang or nicknames for our beloved city of Toronto.

C.
 
Riley P said:
A husband takes his wife to a club.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it big time - break dancing, moon-walking , back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says:
"Looks like he's still celebrating!!!
Click to expand...

Hahahaha It is amazing he is still dancing.
 
A testimony to true friendship is...

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in. "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."
 
. A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,
checked his weight, and being a little concerned,
asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded,
and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very
professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,
'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't
have any milk.' 'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'
 
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
Black 03 Z06 said:
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
Click to expand...

Here's another for ya Murray: Apparently these were true scenarios::D

5. While acquainting myself with a new
elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have
you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered,
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my
husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson,
Corvallis, OR
 
And anyone with an iPad will certainly identify with this.

A Little Computer Humour
The following text message appeared on a man's iPhone from his next-door neighbour:

"I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around. In fact, more than you.

I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: "Damn auto correct. I meant 'wifi' not 'wife.'"
 
Very funny, I like Paddy's solution to having just one more. :rofl:
 
Try this everyone: An exam from a student who got A for humour but F for grade:
The answers are very witty, so read carefully :D

Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die? **************** his last battle

Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? ************** at the bottom of the page

Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state? ******************** liquid

Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce? **************** marriage

Q5.. What is the main reason for failure? ***************** exams

Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast? *************** Lunch & dinner

Q7.. What looks like half an apple? *************** The other half

Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become? **************** Wet

Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? ****************** No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? **************** You will never find an elephant that has one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? **************** Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? ************************No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? ************* Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.


Spread some laughter, share the cheer Let's be happy, while we're here !!

Colin.
 

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