billy bob and the trooper.
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Fred and Chuck were sitting in a bar in Cornerbrook. After a few beers Fred said to Chuck that he saw on TV that Lion's have sex ten to fifteen times a night.
Chuck said "Aw crap I just joined the Kiwanis".
Chuck said "Aw crap I just joined the Kiwanis".
Fred and Chuck were sitting in a bar in Cornerbrook. After a few beers Fred said to Chuck that he saw on TV that Lion's have sex ten to fifteen times a night.
Chuck said "Aw crap I just joined the Kiwanis".
C.
got flies?
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?"
She asked.
"Hunting Flies"
He responded.
"Oh! Killing any?"
She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?"
She asked.
"Hunting Flies"
He responded.
"Oh! Killing any?"
She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Black 03 Z06
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Good one boB E.
Wisdom from Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the path before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the path before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Good find, Al -- very witty.
C.
C.
Black 03 Z06
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Friday Night Funny
A three year old boy having a bath was examining his testicles
He said "mommy are these my brains"?
Mommy said "not yet son"
A three year old boy having a bath was examining his testicles
He said "mommy are these my brains"?
Mommy said "not yet son"
- Thread starter
- #450
Friday Night Funny
A three year old boy having a bath was examining his testicles
He said "mommy are these my brains"?
Mommy said "not yet son"
take a good look at em boy.......'cause one day they're gonna end up in yer wifes purse !!!
The Squeezer
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man
around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender
would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the
money.
Many people had tried.... over time: weightlifters, longshoremen,etc.,
but nobody could do it.
One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick
glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, "I'd
like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "OK";
grabbed the lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....
as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon.... and six
drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the
little man: "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
weight-lifter, or what?"
The little fellow quietly replied: "I work for Revenue Canada".
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man
around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender
would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the
money.
Many people had tried.... over time: weightlifters, longshoremen,etc.,
but nobody could do it.
One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick
glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, "I'd
like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "OK";
grabbed the lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....
as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon.... and six
drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the
little man: "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
weight-lifter, or what?"
The little fellow quietly replied: "I work for Revenue Canada".
Black 03 Z06
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I'd buy that explanation in a heartbeat.
Good one Colin.
Good one Colin.
- Thread starter
- #453
sharks don't eat rev-can agents out of professional courtesy.
I heard that sharks don't eat their own. 
I heard that sharks don't eat their own.
:agree:
You are very polite peoples. I might even say that you are politically correct
LOL, this is a family sight ...... Have to be polite even when we'd like to unload on someone......
Off the record is a different story.
C.
An eloquent man.
Bush said it best: "a friendly and familiar voice in the lives of millions of Americans."
As admirable and respected as Walter Cronkite.
C.
Do You Speak English?
A couple are at the airport in Phoenix, awaiting their flight.
They are dressed in heavy boots, parka, scarf, mittens, and all ready to head home to the Canadian winter.
An older American couple standing nearby are intrigued by their manner of dress.
The wife says to her husband, "Look at that couple. I wonder where they're from?"
He replies, "How would I know?"
She counters, "You could go and ask them."
He says, "I don't really care. You want to know, you go ask them."
She decides to do just that, walks over to the couple and asks, "Excuse me, I’ve noticed the way you're dressed and I wonder where you're from?"
The Canadian farmer replies, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."
The woman returns to her husband who asks, “So, where are they from?"
She replies, "I don't know. They don't speak English."
And yes, Paul Harvey had a gift for putting things in perspective whether describing a policeman or a farmer. He could put thing into a perspective that any of us can understand.
A couple are at the airport in Phoenix, awaiting their flight.
They are dressed in heavy boots, parka, scarf, mittens, and all ready to head home to the Canadian winter.
An older American couple standing nearby are intrigued by their manner of dress.
The wife says to her husband, "Look at that couple. I wonder where they're from?"
He replies, "How would I know?"
She counters, "You could go and ask them."
He says, "I don't really care. You want to know, you go ask them."
She decides to do just that, walks over to the couple and asks, "Excuse me, I’ve noticed the way you're dressed and I wonder where you're from?"
The Canadian farmer replies, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."
The woman returns to her husband who asks, “So, where are they from?"
She replies, "I don't know. They don't speak English."
And yes, Paul Harvey had a gift for putting things in perspective whether describing a policeman or a farmer. He could put thing into a perspective that any of us can understand.
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