billy bob and the trooper.

Good questions all New C5er! :Biggrin:
 
Made me laugh Spence.
 
25351
 
>>> *They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the
>>> church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in
>>> church bulletins or were announced at church services: **
>>> **--------------------------**
>>> **
>>> *The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.*
>>> *-------------------------- ***
>>> **
>>> **Scouts****are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
>>> recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children. **
>>> *--------------------------***
>>> **
>>> **The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. 'The sermon
>>> tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
>>> those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.**
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.**
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
>>> obvious pleasure to the congregation. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
>>> nursery downstairs. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all
>>> the help they can get. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
>>> church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
>>> Music will follow. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
>>> Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.**
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
>>> several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.**
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
>>> person you want remembered.**
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
>>> entertainment and gracious hostility. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.**
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
>>> They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
>>> across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation
>>> would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
>>> Sunday. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please
>>> use the back door. **
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
>>> Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
>>> attend this tragedy.**
>>> *--------------------------*
>>> ****
>>> **Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
>>> Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. **
>>> *--------------------------***
>>> **/And this one just about sums them all up/**
>>> **
>>> **The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan
>>> last Sunday:**
>>> **'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'*
>>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
What A Guy!
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the Cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank."
Passenger : "Who?"
Cabbie : "Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab; things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger : "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie : "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger : "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie : "There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right."
Passenger : "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie : ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if
she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man!. He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger : "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie : "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.
 

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