billy bob and the trooper.

  • ***Planned Forum OUTAGE***

    CCF is doing a SUPER MAJOR upgrade this weekend. All features will be disabled and gradually upgraded. Expect downtime.

    Follow the upgrade along on this thread: Upgrade thread
A random thought...
 

Attachments

  • !cid_4bWvpeU6z7oTNeFEfwO0.png
    !cid_4bWvpeU6z7oTNeFEfwO0.png
    237.8 KB · Views: 17
Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.​
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.​
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.​
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing."​
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.​
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.​
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.​
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior.​
I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'​
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.​
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.​
Husband's Diary:​
I just cannot figure out why the Corvette won't start, its making me crazy​
 
Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.​
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.​
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.​
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing."​
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.​
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.​
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.​
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior.​
I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'​
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.​
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.​
Husband's Diary:​
I just cannot figure out why the Corvette won't start, its making me crazy​

OMG Murray...... I'm going through the same thing except mine is "why the snow won't melt".... :rofl:
 



Psychiatrist vs. Bartender




Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.



So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I'll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00..
A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed Ain't nobody under there now.”

It's always better to get a second opinion.






















 
A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties.
The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."
The Taliban shouted
Hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!”
"Sorry, I have none, just ties - pure silk, and only $5."
"Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but . . . I must conserve my energy and find water!"
"Okay," said the little old Jewish man. “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me,or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace."
Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.
Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped,
"They won't let me in without a tie!”
 
I remember doing all that stuff ... Unfortunately we never heard of movie cameras back then.... :rolleyes:
 


OLDER people have problems that you haven't even considered yet !

A 71-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 71-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing' Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing ..'

The doctor was shocked ! You asked your neighbor ?

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Sad to grow old....