billy bob and the trooper.

i think most of us will agree that winter sucks. the photo's below will pretty much be self explanatory as to why i hate it. lol.

View attachment 4153

View attachment 4154

ummmmmm.... I would comment here Buck but I'm afraid that very ..... ahhhh.... respectable looking woman might be your wife or daughter or niece and I could stick foot in mouth.... ..... regardless.... very nice..... ummm.... trophy..... I can understand why you would want more.....:Cheers2:
 
Doug as part of my probation terms I am unfortunately forced to go to Arizona for 10 days in February. I have tried without success to have the judge change this ruling but to no avail.

So sorry I cannot make it on the 17th but maybe next month. I miss you guys.
 
A Priest finished his studies and was assigned to a small church in Newfoundland.

Upon his arrival he decided to find out what the depth of religious knowledge was in the community.

He summonsed three elders and proceeded to ask each one the same question.

To the first his said "What is the religious significance of Easter?"

The elder replied it "indeed was a important time of the year when the community goes out and cuts down trees brings them home and decorates them and put presents under it"

The Priest rolled his eyes and said I think you have that confused with Christmas.

To the second he asked the same question and this elder replied "this is an important time of the year, I have to buy chocolates for my wife and get her a card with a heart on it and make her dinner"

The Priest, dismayed said the elder was thinking of Valentines Day

To the third he again asked and to his pleasure the elder said "it is an important time of the year for our religion. They put Jesus on a cross and left him there for three days". The Priest was in his glory. The elder continued "after three days they took his body down and carefully carried it into a cave and sealed it up with a large boulder." The Priest was beside himself with the fact someone knew what was going on. The elder continued "after three more days passed Jesus arose and pushed the boulder aside and stepped outside the cave and declared he saw his shadow and there would be six more weeks of winter".

The Priest fainted.

So there you have it, probably managed to offend many but it works for the time of the year.
 
Last edited:
A Priest finished his studies and was assigned to a small church in Newfoundland.

Upon his arrival he decided to find out what the depth of religious knowledge was in the community.

He summonsed three elders and proceeded to ask each one the same question.

To the first his said "What is the religious significance of Easter?"

The elder replied it "indeed was a important time of the year when the community goes out and cuts down trees brings them home and decorates them and put presents under it"

The Priest rolled his eyes and said I think you have that confused with Christmas.

To the second he asked the same question and this elder replied "this is an important time of the year, I have to buy chocolates for my wife and get her a card with a heart on it and make her dinner"

The Priest, dismayed said the elder was thinking of Valentines Day

To the third he again asked and to his pleasure the elder said "it is an important time of the year for our religion. They put Jesus on a cross and left him there for three days". The Priest was in his glory. The elder continued "after three days they took his body down and carefully carried it into a cave and sealed it up with a large boulder." The Priest was beside himself with the fact someone knew what was going on. The elder continued "after three more days passed Jesus arose and pushed the boulder aside and stepped outside the cave and declared he saw his shadow and there would be six more weeks of winter".

The Priest fainted.

So there you have it, probably managed to offend many but it works for the time of the year.

Those North of 7 guys are a despicable lot. I'm surprised that Mandy Mae has anything to do with you guys. At this time of year, cabin fever is nearly at its peek.......as you can clearly see. These monthly lunches give some relief.
 
ummm.... How to write this without coming across the wrong way. I have spent the last couple of days thinking about whether or not to respond to Black 03 Z06 but silence would be condoning these so-called jokes as acceptable.
These so-called jokes about Newfoundlanders should be a thing of the past and do not really have any place on a fine site like this. FYI, old Newfoundlanders were extremely religous and built some awesome churches that any community anywhere would be proud of. So-called jokes of this nature can subsitute any ethnic group to get the negative point across and I don't really find them that funny anymore. I don't really know if I am offended or just disappointed
Sorry if I have offended anyone...
 
Well 12 cents if I have offended or disappointed you then my apologies. It was a joke that could have been from anywhere, it would not be funny tomorrow, it would not work the day before, but it struck me as humorous today. I wrote it as I heard it. Some attempts at humour work, some fail. If you are disappointed in my moral compass then you made your point and that is your right.
 
hmmmm.... Sorry guys.... I can't stay out of this one.... I grew up in Nova Scotia. I have heard every Nova Scotian joke there is and when I was young I thought that each and every one was an insult to my heritage.... Now I am old.... I still love my Nova Scotia... and if you told me that all Nova Scotians were a**holes, I would be the first to throw the punch.... (even though I have been accused of being an a**hole).... but that being said, I have come to appreciate jokes for what they are. comedy!... gut wrenching laughter that plays on the various idiosyncrasy of each and every facet of our Canada. ..... That's it.... whether you watch Rick Mercer on TV (who can joke about all of Canada including his own Newfoundland) or you share ethnic or any other jokes with your buddies over a beer, they are not meant as insulting or derogatory to any province, group of people or culture. They are not meant as an insult to someone's province or their heritage. They are jokes.... they are funny.... they are words..... that's it... words that are witty....words that are fashioned to make us laugh.... And if we are comfortable in our skins, comfortable with our heritage, and comfortable that our home, our village, our town, our homeland is the freaking best place in this world, then we are able to laugh right along with every joke we will find in the previous 35 pages of this thread and every joke we have heard and told in the previous how many years we have been alive. We have laughed at pretty much every ethnic group, every hair colour, every movie actor, every vehicle manufacturer (except corvette of course), every profession, every animal..... every politician... every province etc. etc. etc.....and trust me 12 Cents, we tell these jokes, not as insults or slams against anyone or any province or any ethnic group, but purely because we are able to to laugh at ourselves as Canadians, as individuals , and as the amazing diversity of people, traditions and cultures we are and have.... If I, Black03, or any previous joke posting authors have insulted anyone on this forum, I apologize for all of us but I also am disappointed that this thread and the jokes contained within could be, in any way, construed or associated with any negative intentions by any of us. I remain.....
Eric

ps: Nova Scotia

1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war...by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player(except me.... Guitar player)
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world's largest land mammal
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and transfer payments from Alberta
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city
 
Last edited:
Well 12 cents if I have offended or disappointed you then my apologies. It was a joke that could have been from anywhere, it would not be funny tomorrow, it would not work the day before, but it struck me as humorous today. I wrote it as I heard it. Some attempts at humour work, some fail. If you are disappointed in my moral compass then you made your point and that is your right.

No worries, I wasn't try to single anyone out or to ruin what is a very funny thread. And I have told more than my share of Newfie jokes over the years (and a few Cape Breton jokes too Rruff Day, LOL) but I have also been on the other end of a lot of so-called Newfie jokes as well that were not well intentioned. I know you were just telling it for the humour in the punch line and no harm was meant but it has become an ingrained habit now to respond.

Take Care
Fred
 
Some Friday Morning Humour……I hope!! :D

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see



'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says:

'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?'

"You dumber than I thought. - It means someone stole the tent."
 
Some Friday Morning Humour……I hope!! :D

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see



'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says:

'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?'

"You dumber than I thought. - It means someone stole the tent."

Whoaaaaa Silver..... :Beatdeadhorse: hahahahaha.....
 
Ok I said some time ago that I would not do anymore regional jokes. I could not resist one for my Saskatchewan friends. Tough guys indeed!

-
Subject: Campfire Bravado

Some old cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome prairie, and with the pride for which these men were famous, it was a night of bravado, rot gut whiskey, and many tall tales...


Frank, the hand from Wyoming says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth."


Snake River Ben, from Idaho, couldn't stand to be bested. "That's nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp - didn't even get a belly ache."

Old Red River Tom, the cowboy from Saskatchewan, remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker...
 
Air Travel Just Got A Little Safer


Teacher Arrested At Toronto Pearson Airport



A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.



At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the RCMP with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Premier said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle."’

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Fellow Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by any Prime Minister.
 
And another one.




Concert seats for Seniors...



An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats at a concert.


When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,


"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."


The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.


"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."


Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.


The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.


Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success.


Finally they summoned the police.


The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"


"Fred," the old man moaned.


"Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer.


With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied;


"The balcony"
 
An oldie, but one for Eric. Being in the Land Down Under he probably misses home. So here goes.

BAGPIPES IN NOVA SCOTIA
Be sure to read this to the end.

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top