billy bob and the trooper.

LIFE*



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C.
 
POLITICS


What is Politics?

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect them each from the other.
~Oscar Am Ringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism."

I offered my opponents a deal: "if they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them".
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952..

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Texas Gunman 19th century American businessman

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better if we changed the locks.
~Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981)

We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office.
~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become PM; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone.

Politicians are people who, when they see a light at the end of the tunnel, they go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton, American actor/writer

What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution. What happens if all of them drown?
That is a solution ...!!! ~ Anonymous.
 
What is the dessert that reduces a woman's sex drive




WEDDING CAKE
 
Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
"For f.... sakes , if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"
 
Ouch. Good one.
 
What is Dog Sex???


It is when you sit up and beg sex from your wife or girl friend







And she rolls over and plays DEAD
 
More trivia.........

Early aircraft's throttles had a ball on the end of it, in order to go
full throttle the pilot had to push the throttle all the way
forward into the wall of the instrument panel. Hence "balls to the wall" for going very fast. And now you know, the rest of the story.
*********************************
During WWII , U.S. airplanes were armed with belts of bullets which they would shoot during dogfights and on strafing runs. These belts were folded into the wing compartments that fed their machine guns. These belts measure 27 feet and contained hundreds of rounds of bullets. Often times, the pilots would return from their missions having expended all of their bullets on various targets.
They would say, ? I gave them the whole nine yards, ?
meaning they used up all of their ammunition.
*********************************
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.
Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore painting them would cost
the buyer more. Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you
an arm and a leg.' (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult
to paint.)
******************************
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October). Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term 'big wig'. Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big Wig' because someone
appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
*********************************
In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the 'chair man.' Today in business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman' or 'Chairman of the Board.'
*********************************
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and
dignified woman, as in 'straight laced' wore a tightly tied lace.
*********************************
Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the 'Ace of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full deck.'
********************************
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to 'go sip some Ale
and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. 'You go sip here' and 'You go sip there.' The two words 'go sip' were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term
'gossip.'
**********************************
At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on
the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in 'pints' and who was drinking in 'quarts,' hence the phrase' minding your 'P's and Q's'.
**********************************
One more: bet you didn't know this! In the heyday of sailing ships,
all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from
rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem....how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a 'Monkey' with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make 'Brass Monkeys.' Few landlubbers
realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey; Thus, it was quite literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.' (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)

--
 
I have heard a different explanation for "balls to the wall" which predates the aircraft explanation...
"balls to the wall
This term significantly predates airplanes all together. The term "balls to the wall" originated with James Watt's invention of the centrifugal governor used on early steam engines (circa 1774, well before the Wright brothers at Kitty Hawk). Over the years, these types of governors were adapted for use on various other types of engines, including many aircraft engines. Some aircraft have a ball shape at the end of the throttle control, which is actually a clever reference to the governor mechanism, no doubt conceived by a witty designer. It is easy to see where one could get the (wrong) impression that "balls to the wall" would indicate the position of the throttle lever, when in fact, the term, strictly speaking, is a reference to the position of the weights on the governor.
Increase engine speed! Balls to the wall!"
David
 
DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,

"I would like to buy some cyanide."


The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"


The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."


The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy!


I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law.


I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"


The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.


The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: "You didn't tell me you had a prescription." :D
 

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