Buckhorn's cheques bounce so much, he has a hard time filling them out.
billy bob and the trooper.
- Thread starter buckhorn76
- Start date
- Thread starter
- #542
"Comebackwise" I think you and Keith must have beenn seperated at birth Buckhorn.
Al...
Al...
- Thread starter
- #544
Other than the beard, and I'm a pip squeak for size beside the mountain man, we are nearly identical twins. That and I'm a few years older too. 
A cruise night in Florida.........
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp6cFgzdntk#t=80
And Corvettes only...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tumeLcg78g#t=80
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp6cFgzdntk#t=80
And Corvettes only...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tumeLcg78g#t=80
An old travelogue of Victoria and Vancouver from 1935!
It's about 8 minutes long..
Fitzpatrick Traveltalk : Gateway to Canada - YouTube
It's about 8 minutes long..
Fitzpatrick Traveltalk : Gateway to Canada - YouTube
Tree trunk artistry - Absolutely stunning!
Bruno Torfs Magical Art and Sculptures Garden, drm-l. - YouTube
Bruno Torfs Magical Art and Sculptures Garden, drm-l. - YouTube
"COSMIC LAWS"
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee...
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you impatiently change lines, when standing, or traffic lanes, while driving, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you moved to.... (works every time)
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - At any given event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the restroom and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated with the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Olivers Law of Public Speaking - A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee...
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you impatiently change lines, when standing, or traffic lanes, while driving, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you moved to.... (works every time)
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - At any given event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the restroom and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated with the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Olivers Law of Public Speaking - A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like
- Thread starter
- #551
good ones al 
with me number 1 applies equally to either grease or anti-seize........my wife has given up asking why i have silver stuff in my underwear. 
with me number 1 applies equally to either grease or anti-seize........my wife has given up asking why i have silver stuff in my underwear.
For all the golfers here.....
Great Videos but also shows how broadcasters spend their
time when the golf game is a little slow
Animal Encounters on the PGA Tour
Great Videos but also shows how broadcasters spend their
time when the golf game is a little slow
Animal Encounters on the PGA Tour
Irish Confession
An Irish guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
To his utter amazement...
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies,
"Get out, you idiot. You're on my side
An Irish guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
To his utter amazement...
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies,
"Get out, you idiot. You're on my side
A young girl goes to the doctor because the inside of her thighs are turning green
The doctor has never seen this ailment before, but he is just started his practice.
So he calls in an older doctor.
He to is stumped.
They send her to a specialist for skin diseases and he to is stumped after a barrage of tests.
As it is not clearing up after many creams and lotions, she gets desperate and goes to an old witch doctor in the hope he can help her.
He looks at her and says , do you have a boy friend?
She replies , why yes??
The witch doctor asks, is he a Gypsy by chance??
Yes she says.
Ah the doc says "cheap gold ear rings"
The doctor has never seen this ailment before, but he is just started his practice.
So he calls in an older doctor.
He to is stumped.
They send her to a specialist for skin diseases and he to is stumped after a barrage of tests.
As it is not clearing up after many creams and lotions, she gets desperate and goes to an old witch doctor in the hope he can help her.
He looks at her and says , do you have a boy friend?
She replies , why yes??
The witch doctor asks, is he a Gypsy by chance??
Yes she says.
Ah the doc says "cheap gold ear rings"
Most of our generation was
HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.
1. My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying,
and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14. My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father
when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you !"
*******************************
HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.
1. My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying,
and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14. My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father
when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you !"
*******************************
Good ones Al, and I think I heard everyone of them as I grew up!!!
I know this was posted somewhere but I figured I would post it again as it goes along the lines of what Al posted.
Wise Observations from Jay Leno.
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get
tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs
covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats,
seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually
died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar,
but we weren’t overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
And we were OK.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the
hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a
few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150
channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell
phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms……..
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits
from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us
forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and
tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did
not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the
bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had
to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers
and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL
WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them. CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for
our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and
lucky) their parents were.
Wise Observations from Jay Leno.
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get
tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs
covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats,
seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually
died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar,
but we weren’t overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
And we were OK.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the
hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a
few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150
channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell
phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms……..
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits
from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us
forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and
tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did
not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the
bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had
to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers
and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL
WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them. CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for
our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and
lucky) their parents were.
Those were great Riley, and bring back a lot of memories.Thanks.
Good one Riley.
Here's another from my archives:
____________________________________
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,
But they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
So Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
And I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10..
Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies,
"In Jenny's room.
It's bigger than mine
And we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
And I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
So that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed
Bruce has put so much thought into this.
"Well Bruce,
It seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
Little children
Of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little s**t is adorable.
Here's another from my archives:
____________________________________
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,
But they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
So Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
And I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10..
Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies,
"In Jenny's room.
It's bigger than mine
And we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
And I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
So that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed
Bruce has put so much thought into this.
"Well Bruce,
It seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
Little children
Of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little s**t is adorable.
Hahaha. That is pretty funny.