billy bob and the trooper.

College Cowboy

A young cowboy from Rosetown, Saskatchewan goes
off to college, but halfway through the semester he
foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what
modern education is developing. They actually have a
program here in Regina that will teach our
dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says 'How
do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $1,000,' the young
cowboy says, 'I'll get him in the course.'

So his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again
runs out. The boy calls home. 'So how's Ol' Blue
doing, son?' his father wants to know.

'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just
won't believe this. They've had such good results with
talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'

'Read?!' exclaims his father. 'No kidding!
How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send $2,500. I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog
can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year,
his father is all excited.

'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk
with him, and see him read something!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday
morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was
in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
the Wall Street Journal. Then he suddenly turned to
me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing
around with that little redhead barmaid
at the Blue Sky Caf
 
Ethnic Wisdom


The Jewish ELBOW

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........."

"What . . . .. ... You coming empty handed?"

_______________________________________________


Wise Italian Grandfather Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,
"Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome
plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me
your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda
you wife inna bed with another man.
What you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say "Time's up?"
________________________________________________

Irish blonde...

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino.
She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on baby, Mama needs new shoes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed.
"Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers,
picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb.....
but all men...are men!
______________________________

Global Facts About Sex At any given moment:

FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading jokes.

You hang in there, sunshine!
 
For the English/Irish decent in the crowd -- (and I'm part of each as well as Scots):


Subject: Paddy & Mick



Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London when Paddy looked in a shop window and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign read "Suits
 
Irish blonde...

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived
at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty
thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said,"I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude. "with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down
and squealed."Yes!Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally,one of them asked,"What did she roll?"The other answered,"I don't know-I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
.....but all men....are men!
 
mrs o'flynn was informed that her husband paddy had been involved in an accident at his job at the brewery and had succumbed to his injuries. it seems he had fallen into one of the giant brew vats and drowned. the bereaved widow inquired if poor paddy had to endure much pain before the end came. the foreman assurred her that paddy's demise did not appear to be painful as he was able to get out four times for a piss.
 

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