- Aug 5, 2011
- 7,854
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billy bob and the trooper.
- Thread starter buckhorn76
- Start date
- Aug 5, 2011
- 7,854
- 111
One I received recently from our friend and member in Welland;
Thanks Tony:
Two 'Brooms'
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to
Hurt!!!!!!
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
Thanks Tony:
Two 'Brooms'
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to
Hurt!!!!!!
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
- Jan 11, 2009
- 11,104
- 1,983
Glad to be warned to brace before reading further. Still made me laugh. Good day to laugh.
- Feb 22, 2011
- 86
- 1
This one has been around for a few years but I think its great.
The alphabet backwards this would be a chore when sober
because im drunk... - YouTube
The alphabet backwards this would be a chore when sober
because im drunk... - YouTube
- Jan 11, 2009
- 11,104
- 1,983
I love that clip!
- Nov 3, 2012
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- Thread starter
- #226
if you want to have a little fun with the guy at harvey's, order a veggie burger......with extra bacon !!! 
- Jul 25, 2012
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Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation lately.
She said she was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the folks.
I did so, and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said, "Are you nuts? You 're almost 72 years old and
you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief mom, where are your glasses? This is a membership to a Prostitute Club,
not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week," I told her.
She fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation lately.
She said she was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the folks.
I did so, and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said, "Are you nuts? You 're almost 72 years old and
you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief mom, where are your glasses? This is a membership to a Prostitute Club,
not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week," I told her.
She fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
Last edited:
- Jan 11, 2009
- 11,104
- 1,983
Where do we sign up for this club?..............
- Jul 25, 2012
- 1,353
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- Jul 25, 2012
- 1,353
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After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled
out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled
out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.
- Jul 25, 2012
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A morning run, or otherwise called "Training to out run the police"....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxmsswGjCh4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxmsswGjCh4
- Aug 5, 2011
- 7,854
- 111
toot For Tat
A bloke asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the red-faced guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the bloke's table and said: "I'm studying psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
The bloke then responded with a loud voice:
A bloke asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the red-faced guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the bloke's table and said: "I'm studying psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
The bloke then responded with a loud voice:
- Jul 25, 2012
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Love that one Colin.
- Jul 25, 2012
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ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person
And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person
And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC
- Aug 5, 2011
- 7,854
- 111
Good one Al -- That surely sounds like the M/P gang.
C.
C.
- Jul 25, 2012
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The illusionist, Hans Klok, was challenged in Holland to show what he could do in 5 minutes.
I hope you enjoy this amazing spectacle.
Hans Klok & The Divas of Magic - 10 Illusions in 5 Minutes
I hope you enjoy this amazing spectacle.
Hans Klok & The Divas of Magic - 10 Illusions in 5 Minutes
- Aug 5, 2011
- 7,854
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Wow, unbelievable stuff going on there. He's got skillzzzzzz....
Just what I needed Al -- thanks.
Colin
Just what I needed Al -- thanks.
Colin
- Aug 5, 2011
- 7,854
- 111
Good sale at Princess Auto, Al -- thanks for the headsup.
I moved it over the an existing thread in General Discussion:
http://www.canadiancorvetteforums.com/forums/general-corvette-discussion/4576-sale-princess-auto.html
Cheers,
Colin
I moved it over the an existing thread in General Discussion:
http://www.canadiancorvetteforums.com/forums/general-corvette-discussion/4576-sale-princess-auto.html
Cheers,
Colin
- Jan 11, 2009
- 11,104
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I need to get into magic!....not for the magic, the helpers are h-ooooooo-t!
- Aug 5, 2011
- 7,854
- 111
Subject: Hospital receptionist ...don't mess with the geezers
I think we have all met this lady at one time or another: SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST.
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause
I think we have all met this lady at one time or another: SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST.
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause