billy bob and the trooper.

As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's Cemetery out near Lindale. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. Everyone that knows me knows I can be directionally challenged AND my navigation lost its signal.
I hate Sprint!!
Anyway, I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the guys for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunch and began to gather around. I sang my heart and soul out for this man with no family and friends.
As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the spirit began to move and the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I prayed a benediction and started for my car, my head hung low but my heart so FULL.
As I opened the door to my car, I overheard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently, I was still lost......
 
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SORRY , A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied,
"Mum I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore but down there I am still mourning. He knew he was not going to get lucky that night.

The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?

He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences"
 

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