Dave91TM
Power User
That'd likely stop a snowplow, or at least spin it around.
billy bob and the trooper.
- Thread starter buckhorn76
- Start date
Dave91TM
Power User
It could be said that instead of a chip on his shoulder, he had a chirp, or he had a s**t... pick one (lol)
LE BARON
Power User
theboss
Power User
More bacon on the way
LE BARON
Power User
A Married Man Sends His Mistress To Another Country ..
Her Postcard To Him Is Priceless ...
A very rich married man was having an affair with an Italian woman ...
One night , she confided in him that she was pregnant ...
The man not wanting to ruin his reputation , or his marriage , told the Italian woman he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child ...
And If she stayed in Italy to raise the child , he would also provide child support until the child turned 18 ...
The Italian woman was skeptical but she agreed , she then asked how he would know when the baby was born ...
To keep it discreet , he told her to simply mail him a post card , and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back ...
And once he got the postcard he would then arrange for the child support to begin ...
One day , about 9 months later , he came home to his confused wife ...
‘Sweetie , she said , ‘you received a very strange post card today from Italy ...’
‘Oh , just give it to me and I’ll explain it later' , he said ...
The wife said ok and then watched as her husband read the card , turned White , and then fainted ...
On the card was written :
Spaghetti , Spaghetti , Spaghetti ...
Two with meatballs , one without ...
Please Send extra sauce ...
Her Postcard To Him Is Priceless ...
A very rich married man was having an affair with an Italian woman ...
One night , she confided in him that she was pregnant ...
The man not wanting to ruin his reputation , or his marriage , told the Italian woman he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child ...
And If she stayed in Italy to raise the child , he would also provide child support until the child turned 18 ...
The Italian woman was skeptical but she agreed , she then asked how he would know when the baby was born ...
To keep it discreet , he told her to simply mail him a post card , and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back ...
And once he got the postcard he would then arrange for the child support to begin ...
One day , about 9 months later , he came home to his confused wife ...
‘Sweetie , she said , ‘you received a very strange post card today from Italy ...’
‘Oh , just give it to me and I’ll explain it later' , he said ...
The wife said ok and then watched as her husband read the card , turned White , and then fainted ...
On the card was written :
Spaghetti , Spaghetti , Spaghetti ...
Two with meatballs , one without ...
Please Send extra sauce ...
Sunday Morning Se*x
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having se*x would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having se*x would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing
our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for
breakfast, wearing only the 'T'shirt that she
normally slept in. As I walked in, almost
awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"you've got to make love to me this very
moment"
My eyes lit up as I thought, "I am either still
dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced
her and then gave it my all; right there on the
kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned
to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "what
was that about" She explained,
"The EGG TIMER'S broken"
our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for
breakfast, wearing only the 'T'shirt that she
normally slept in. As I walked in, almost
awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"you've got to make love to me this very
moment"
My eyes lit up as I thought, "I am either still
dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced
her and then gave it my all; right there on the
kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned
to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "what
was that about" She explained,
"The EGG TIMER'S broken"