billy bob and the trooper.

[New C5er]

 

[New C5er]

 

[kerry4]

Yup.

 

[kerry4]

LOL.

 

[Rruuff Day]

LOL.

Ok.... that one made coffee come out my nose....

 

[New C5er]

A young man received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even

Worse vocabulary
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.


Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.


John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.


For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.


Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.


Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.


The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."


John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.


As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"


And you thought there were no clean jokes left!

 

[LE BARON]

Name this Song

This song was popular in the 60's and we could all dance to it.
Can you name the song, just by looking at the picture?

You'll kick yourself!! Think harder!!!!!

I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
MOONRIVER!!!!!

Hey, don't blame me. I'm just forwarding this to those whose sense of humor I believe is as warped as mine.

 

[kerry4]

Don't think this can happen? A buddy of mine had a nice Mustang that his wife was driving to work all week. The oil light went on but she ignored it and kept on driving it. She figured the light would go off eventually. It did. Right after she blew up the motor.

 

[New C5er]

 

[theboss]

Or totaly suicidal

 

[kerry4]

Never make fun of an old person.

 

[LE BARON]

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note...
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're out of bread: be back in five minutes."

 

[Rruuff Day]

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note...
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're out of bread: be back in five minutes."

Seems lately every good joke I read results in coffee up my nose... I'm going to have to start staying away from this thread until the afternoon... lol...

 

[kerry4]

A man was driving down the highway faster than the posted speed limit. All of a sudden there was flashing lights behind him in a police car. He still wouldn't pull over and speeded up. The cop put on the siren and still the man would not stop. Finally the cop got in front of him to make him slow down and pull over. When he got out the cruiser angry that this man would not stop for him he approached the driver and asked why he wouldn't pull over for him. The man in the car said, well officer years ago my wife ran off with a cop. The cop said thats no excuse. The man politely replied and said I thought it was you and were bringing her back.

 

[kerry4]

Yup.

 

[theboss]

Yup.

Another suicidal animal.

 

[Cariboocreek]

 

[kerry4]

So true.

 

[NorthernZ]

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.

 

[New C5er]