Should children witness CHILDBIRTH?Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and, after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed,3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place....smack him again!”
Still working on that...LOL
Better hurry, life is short.Still working on that...LOL
Dear Diary:
Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Ontario. It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.
Oct. 14 -
Ontario is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.
Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ontario. I hope it snows soon. I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here!
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!
Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!
Dec. 21 - More of that white stuff coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Jerk!
Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??
Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??
Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the idiot actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a damn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the SOB. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.
Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of crap into fireplace wood when I had the chance.
April 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted crap.
May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken Province of Ontario....
Anyone in my family suffer from mental illness. I
said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it.
My bucket list: keep breathing.
Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, "Close enough."
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
I'm a multi - tasker. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time!
Retirement to do list: Wake up. Nailed it!
Went to an antique auction and people were bidding on me.
People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full, miss the point.
The glass is refillable.
I don't have grey hair; I have wisdom highlights.
Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
I don't trip, I do random gravity checks.
My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans say, please, please, please
eat a salad!
Never laugh at your spouse's choices. You are one of them.
One minute you're young and fun. The next, you're turning down the car
stereo to see better.
I'd grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.
Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me, so from now on I'm going
to concentrate on getting taller.
My body is a temple; ancient and crumbling.
Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you have to deal with
everyone else who doesn't have it.
I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost
on the way back. Now I have no idea what's going on. But, I remembered to
send this to you.