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billy bob and the trooper.

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and
said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I
do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took
her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the
way!!

 
Reactions: theboss, 12cents and OL Yeller
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had
eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the
kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the
mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Life is tough.
It's even tougher if you're
stupid!!!!
 
Reactions: 12cents and OL Yeller
Perks of reaching
50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
 
Reactions: Dave91TM, 12cents, OL Yeller and 1 other person
That's what happend when there boss say '' you can not use your smart phone on the job''
 
Reactions: Black 03 Z06 and OL Yeller
BEST (CLEAN) JOKE SO FAR

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever." The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years.. you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000.

The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed... "Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name.

Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.



After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name.

I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent.

I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.. Sincerely, Dick van Dyke
 
Reactions: 12cents, New C5er, Black 03 Z06 and 1 other person
 
Reactions: Dave91TM, 12cents, Rruuff Day and 2 others
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