billy bob and the trooper.

[LE BARON]

She seems to be the most popular photoshop pic lately....

Reminds me of when I was in "old" Las Vegas a few years ago and there was this not very good looking chic parading about with a sign "F### FREE SPEECH"
Wondered if she knew want she was doing

 

[New C5er]

of Stupid People

In Honour of Stupid People . . . ​

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods .......

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

==========================


On Sainsbury's peanuts --
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

===========================

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-old with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

==========================


On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

=======================


On a Sears hairdryer --
Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

====================================


On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

===========================


On a bar of Dial soap --
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)

============================



On some Swanson frozen dinners --
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

========================


On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

==============================

On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because???....)

==============================


On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)

==========================

On a Japanese food processor --
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

==============================


On an American Airlines packet of nuts --
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)

===========================

On a child's Superman costume --
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

========================

On a Swedish chainsaw --
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)










Sent with Proton Mail secure email.

 

[LE BARON]

I would be tempted to go with a refection of the legal system where just about every scenario has to be accounted for, including the stupid ones.
Remember McDo getting sued for the hot coffee and now the latest is the too hot chicken nuggets or something

 

[BDK]

My friend, we’ll call him “Tom”, was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.
“Tom" wanted two things:

• To learn how to invest his inheritance.

• To find a wife to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.



"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 200 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

 

[AxeZ06]

 

[Rruuff Day]

I think there's a snowmobile on the other end of that tow rope....

 

[james133]

blonde phones the fire dept. and says " help ! you've got to come right away my house is on fire ! " fireman says " yes ma'am, how do we get there ? " blonde replies " duh ! in your big red truck ! "

nice

 

[AxeZ06]

 

[1 BAD 9T9]

Don't think this was possible in a clutch car.....LOL

 

[Murray20c8]

Don't think this was possible in a clutch car.....LOL
View attachment 109290

Why????????? He obviously has a reverse gear!

 

[Dave91TM]

Don't think this was possible in a clutch car.....LOL
View attachment 109290

Parallel Parking in Paris France is much the same. Spaces are not designated. Cars are parked within about 3 inches at both ends. It takes about a 30 point turn to manoeuver out and another car will slip in right away.

 

[DW Ruby]

Why? - His wife said he couldn't do it, that's why.

 

[Rruuff Day]

He only made it 100 feet and had to do it again when he met a truck.... lol...

 

[1 BAD 9T9]

Why????????? He obviously has a reverse gear!

Have you never stopped on a hill and used three feet for brake, clutch and throttle without rolling back off the cliff......LOL

 

[Murray20c8]

Have you never stopped on a hill and used three feet for brake, clutch and throttle without rolling back off the cliff......LOL

kobayashi maru

 

[AxeZ06]

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 5,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Relax in the waiting room while enjoying a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $24.00
Coffee: Complementary
TOTAL: $24.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00.
2. Stop to buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6.. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21. Drink beer.
22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25. Begin cussing fit.
26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.
28. Beer.
29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30. Beer.
31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32. Beer.
33. Lower truck from jack stands.
34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35. Beer.
36. Test drive truck.
37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38. Truck gets impounded.
39. Call loving wife, make bail.
40. 12 hours later, get truck from the impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
TOTAL: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!”

 

[Rruuff Day]

kobayashi maru

Haven't seen a 'trekkie' in that scenario yet...

 

[Murray20c8]

 

[Murray20c8]

 

[Murray20c8]