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billy bob and the trooper.

A man walking down the street sees another man with a very big dog. The man says: “Does your dog bite?” The other man replies: “No, my dog doesn’t bite”. The first man then pats the dog, has his hand bitten off, and shouts; “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite”. The other man replies: “That’s not my dog”.
 
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That's an oldie. Peter Sellers, 1976 Pink Panther Strikes Again. His delivery on this joke is priceless.
 
Reactions: OL Yeller, 1st Vette, JB08 and 2 others
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
 
Reactions: BDK, LE BARON and Dave91TM
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