billy bob and the trooper.
- Thread starter buckhorn76
- Start date
TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS.
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.”
#6 - “On time” is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.
. . . And one more:
“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.”
#6 - “On time” is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.
. . . And one more:
“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.
Some folks obviously have a lot of spare time to develop these questions...
* Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned?
* Did you know that the word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".
* Over 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and it's only the rich who own horses.
* Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
* I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
* Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most don't use it!
* I'm not saying I look old or worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on garbage day.
* Watching this generation rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: it'll be misspelled and without punctuation.
* If you're feeling useless, remember: it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives and four presidents to replace the Taliban... with the Taliban.
* Turns out that being a “Senior" is mostly just Googling how to do things.
* My mind is much like an internet browser with at least 18 open tabs, 3 of them frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
* Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to my wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without even knowing who was calling.
* Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned?
* Did you know that the word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".
* Over 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and it's only the rich who own horses.
* Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
* I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
* Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most don't use it!
* I'm not saying I look old or worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on garbage day.
* Watching this generation rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: it'll be misspelled and without punctuation.
* If you're feeling useless, remember: it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives and four presidents to replace the Taliban... with the Taliban.
* Turns out that being a “Senior" is mostly just Googling how to do things.
* My mind is much like an internet browser with at least 18 open tabs, 3 of them frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
* Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to my wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without even knowing who was calling.
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.'
It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv.], [prep.], [adj.], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP, because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost ¼ of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks it UP. When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it up, for now . . . my time is UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?
U P!
It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv.], [prep.], [adj.], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP, because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost ¼ of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks it UP. When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it up, for now . . . my time is UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?
U P!
Up until now I had not given "up" much thought. However I must get up now and if I can lift my dicitonary up I can review all this up ness stuff.
Very good @LE BARON
Very good @LE BARON
Clever, but a lot comes about through colloquialism. Most short for "raise" or "rise"
Speak up = Raise the level of your voice.
Warm up = Raise the heat level of the food
Get up = Rise from a lower consciousness level. As in sleep.
Oh great , now everybody is getting uppity.
I think we should all just shut the hell UP....
UP yours!I think we should all just shut the hell UP....
A tragic end to an otherwise uplifting conversation.
Makes me want to Up chuck....
So she calls you "Pop"?My names not Chuck!
"Hey girl! Sit on my lap and we'll talk about what pops UP!"
Given your age there will likely be long lapses in that conversation....My names not Chuck!
"Hey girl! Sit on my lap and we'll talk about what pops UP!"
.....should this not be titled "Can you help me UP?"........LOL
