It always bugs me that women yell at you for leaving the seat up, but they don't have the courtesy to lift it up when they are done! ;)
So do what I do. I put the seat down with the cover. It's not my fault if women sit on the cover and piss on the floor! LOL
 
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Did I read that sign right?

Where were the proof readers?
“TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW”

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
***************************************************
 
FINALLY A STORY WITH A MORAL...

Every year, Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He
never did. Finally, he prayed vigorously, and hoping for God's
message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing by Suzie's
stall. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing
panties. He could see a 7 written on both her buns.

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost
again...Sad!
>
The winning number was 707.

Moral of the story: Never underestimate the importance of
assholes in your life.
 
As @Black 03 Z06 would say
"Working together, we can be FAR bigger idiots than any of us could be working alone!"
I posted this video and am not a pyrotechnics expert, but there is a gross error in the action. You obviously noticed that the main idiot sets fire to a rag inserted in the gas tank filler neck, but the car blows up in the front. I know flame propagation can be rapid but how does it travel forward before the gas tank blows? Oh well I guess there must be more than two idiots. Where are the rest of them, the producer and the video idiots? Of course this is on Billy Bob so anything goes.....lol.
 
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I posted this video and am not a pyrotechnics expert, but there is a gross error in the action. You obviously noticed that the main idiot sets fire to a rag inserted in the gas tank filler neck, but the car blows up in the front. I know flame propagation can be rapid but how does it travel forward before the gas tank blows? Oh well I guess there must be more than two idiots. Where are the rest of them, the producer and the video idiots? Of course this is on Billy Bob so anything goes.....lol.
Ya, true. Also, the front end looks really high, like there is no motor and perhaps some TNT! lol

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  • Agree
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