OHHHH Emmmm Geeee

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What you need to know...

Ring your own doorbell on your way to bed. This will clear the dogs off the bed.


In a society that has you counting money, kilos, calories, and steps, be a rebel and count your 'blessings' instead.

I just asked myself if I'm crazy, and 'We all said No'.

Don't worry about 'getting old'. Worry about 'thinking old'.

You can do a hundred things right and someone will always point out the ONE thing you did wrong.

Being a 'little older', I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me everyday.

After that 'Covid thing' last year, my 'going out' clothes have missed me so much.
I put them on and they hugged me so tightly, I could barely breathe.

A Genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy".
So now I'm living in a little cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine. 'whistle while you work...'

I took my 8 year old daughter to the office on 'take your kid to work day'.
But when we walked into the office she started to cry.
As concerned staff gathered around I asked her what was wrong and she said:
"Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”
 
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Life is like that....


Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with
flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children
just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed.
We’re having a meeting.

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo".

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech
support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.

Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite
apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be
ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the
"Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to
transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Now, I'm wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me
or have I only sent one copy?

The Commandments for Seniors. .

You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.


Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.

It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten
minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.

Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

"One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.
 
That works great until you have the engine running, drop the wrench, and it gets picked up by the fan belt. Looks like that already happened once. The rope is cut and he's using his left hand..... :Banghead:
My turn for words of wisdom. Don't work on a running engine. lol
 

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