A first grade girl handed in this drawing for her homework assignment.
The teacher graded it and the child brought it home.
She returned to school the next day with the following note:
Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration.
It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money.
I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.
This drawing is of me selling a shovel.
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital.
She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, Dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”
The operator replied, “Let me put you on hold while I check with theNurse’s station for that room.”
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
“I have good news. Her Nurse just told me that Norma is doing well.
Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal
and Dr. Cohen has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.
The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me s**t!”
Ladies and gentlemen, the grounds crew will have that cleared away shortly, can we get the next car lined up for the launching ramp as we begin round 2 of the Flying Cars into Solid Objects Contest.
Recently, when
I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or
twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a
half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and
ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but
sadly true...)
(must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only splenda and sugar.)
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
'dividers' that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar
code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this
is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I
don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
I recently saw a
distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I
can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would
have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'