Here's a take on the Iran situation from a fellow I follow.
"Donald Trump, a man who thinks geopolitics is a type of pizza, sat around a table with his Looney Tunes Cabinet of crypto bros and ex reality TV contestants, and cooked up this brilliant plan:
"We will just bomb Iran, kill the Supreme Leader, and the whole country will say, thank you Daddy America, please come give us Starbucks and freedom fries. We will be done by Thursday, everyone is home for golf and Diet Coke by the weekend."
That was the plan. Four to five days. Like it was a plumbing job. Like they were quoting for a pergola.
Spoiler alert. It is not going to plan.
Because apparently, when you drop a bomb on a country of 90 million pissed off people, during Ramadan, on a Monday morning, and then go, hey, truce, via Italy, the country most famous for switching sides like it is a World Cup match, turns out people do not just lie down and open their legs.
Nope. They told America to go suck a cactus. Flat out. Get f****ed.
You know what Iran did? They did not splinter. They did not collapse. They did not say, oh no, our Supreme Leader, we are lost without him.
They got turbocharged. Martyrdom mode activated. Streets packed. Rage dialed to eleven. Suddenly everyone is locked in, unified, chanting death to the Great Satan with the kind of coordination you only see at Taylor Swift concerts.
And the US? They are sitting there like the dog that caught the car. What do we do now? No plan B. No clue.
Their backup strategy is apparently just: Post unhinged threats on Truth Social and pray to the ghost of Ronald Reagan.
And let me hit you with the real kicker: This is the most powerful military in history. Commanded by a man whose combat experience is yelling at a cheeseburger. Who dodged Vietnam with a made up bone spur, but now thinks he is Patton because he once played Call of Duty on easy mode.
He assembled the biggest war machine in the Middle East since the Iraq disaster, rolled in two aircraft carriers, bombed Iran, and now cannot back out without looking like an absolute dickless wonder.
He is like the schoolyard bully who finally swings on the wrong nerd, and that nerd turns out to be a black belt with emotional issues.
He has to keep swinging now. But he has no idea what he is swinging at.
And here is the part that makes this even more insane. He literally just watched Vladimir Putin try this exact same macho fantasy in Ukraine.
Remember that? Three day operation. In and out. Kyiv falls. Government collapses. Parade uniforms pressed and ready. Quick decapitation, install a friendly regime, job done.
How did that work out?
Years later, Ukraine is still standing. Putin is bogged down in trenches. Sanctions everywhere. Casualties through the roof. And the so called quick operation turned into a grinding, humiliating quagmire that reshaped European security for a generation.
The lesson was sitting right there. Neon sign flashing.
Do not assume a nation rolls over because you killed someone at the top. Do not assume pride, identity and fury evaporate on schedule. Do not assume your own propaganda is reality.
And yet here we are. Same movie. Different ego.
Meanwhile, back in reality:
Iran is hurling missiles at US bases in Kuwait, Qatar and Bahrain. Oil tankers are getting smashed in the Strait of Hormuz. One is already sinking like the plan itself. Shipping is down 70 percent. Goldman Sachs is warning about 100 dollar oil. JPMorgan is whispering 120. The markets open Monday and it is going to look like someone set Wall Street on fire and pissed on the ashes.
And all because this idiot thought you could wrap up a war with Iran, let me repeat that, Iran, a nation that has been preparing for this day since before Friends went off the air. Three times the size of Iraq. More missiles. More allies. More hate for the US than a 9/11 truther Reddit thread.
But no, according to Team Dipshit: Just do it faster than last time, bro.
This is the equivalent of saying the Titanic would have been fine if it had just hit the iceberg at a better angle.
You would think after Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Syria, and watching Putin face plant in Ukraine, they would stop playing America’s Next Top Regime Change, but nope. This time it will be different. This time we have a four day plan.
FOUR. F**KING. DAYS.
He cannot back out, he cannot win, and every tick of the clock is setting fire to the global economy, but hey, at least he got to post in all caps about unseen force on Truth Social like a diaper wearing Mussolini.
And somewhere, right now, in a room full of sycophants and empty Diet Coke bottles, a bloated orange lunatic is asking his staff:
"So, are we winning yet?"
No, Donny. You are not."
www.reuters.com
