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billy bob and the trooper.
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<blockquote data-quote="New C5er" data-source="post: 103943" data-attributes="member: 1335"><p>These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:</p><p></p><p>FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.</p><p>8 years old,</p><p>Hateful little bastard.</p><p>Bites!</p><p></p><p>FREE PUPPIES</p><p>1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.</p><p></p><p>FREE PUPPIES.</p><p>Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.</p><p>Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.</p><p></p><p></p><p>COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.</p><p>Also 1 gay bull for sale.</p><p></p><p></p><p>JOINING NUDIST COLONY!</p><p>Must sell washer and dryer £100.</p><p></p><p>WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .</p><p>Worn once by mistake.</p><p>Call Stephanie.</p><p></p><p>**** And the WINNER is... ****</p><p></p><p>FOR SALE BY OWNER.</p><p>Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.</p><p>Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.</p><p></p><p>Statement of the Century</p><p>Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--BillyConnolly. "If</p><p>women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"</p><p></p><p>Children Are Quick...</p><p>TEACHER: Why are you late?</p><p>STUDENT: Class started before I got here.</p><p>______________________________ </p><p>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?</p><p>JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.</p><p>______________________________ </p><p>TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'</p><p>GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'</p><p>TEACHER: No, that's wrong</p><p>GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.</p><p>(I Love this child!)</p><p>______________________________ </p><p>TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?</p><p>DONALD: H I J K L M N O.</p><p>TEACHER: What are you talking about?</p><p>DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.</p><p>______________________________ </p><p>TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.</p><p>WINNIE: Me!</p><p>______________________________ </p><p>TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?</p><p>GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.</p><p>______________________________</p><p>TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.</p><p>Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?</p><p>LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....</p><p>______________________________ ________</p><p>TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?</p><p>SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.</p><p>______________________________</p><p>TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?</p><p>CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.</p><p>(I want to adopt this kid!!!)</p><p>______________________________ _____</p><p>TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?</p><p>HAROLD: A teacher</p><p>______________________________ ____</p><p>PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH</p><p>Due to current political conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>--</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New C5er, post: 103943, member: 1335"] These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--BillyConnolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" Children Are Quick... TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ______________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. ______________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child!) ______________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. ______________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! ______________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ______________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________ ________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ______________________________ _____ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher ______________________________ ____ PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH Due to current political conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off -- [/QUOTE]
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