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Rodney Dangerfield
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<blockquote data-quote="CCO" data-source="post: 22590" data-attributes="member: 970"><p>Some of you out there will say "WHO?" -- never heard of him......</p><p>Others will remember him lovingly and find some of this old hat.</p><p>Here's a taste of some of his humour:</p><p></p><p>_________________________________</p><p></p><p> <strong><span style="color: Blue">Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield</span></strong></p><p></p><p></p><p>>> Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield...........</p><p>>></p><p>>> Because he said ....</p><p>>></p><p>>> My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.</p><p>>></p><p>>> Its tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!</p><p>>></p><p>>> Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.</p><p>>></p><p>>> A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!</p><p>>></p><p>>> A hooker once told me she had a headache.</p><p>>></p><p>>> I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.</p><p>>></p><p>>> If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.</p><p>>></p><p>>> I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'</p><p>>></p><p>>> I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.</p><p>>></p><p>>> I knew a girl so ugly... They use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.</p><p>>></p><p>>> My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.</p><p>>></p><p>>> I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.</p><p>>></p><p>>> The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'</p><p>>></p><p>>> My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.</p><p>>></p><p>>> I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.</p><p>>></p><p>>> My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.</p><p>>></p><p>>> My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.</p><p>>></p><p>>> MY FAVORITE:</p><p>>></p><p>>> My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CCO, post: 22590, member: 970"] Some of you out there will say "WHO?" -- never heard of him...... Others will remember him lovingly and find some of this old hat. Here's a taste of some of his humour: _________________________________ [B][COLOR="Blue"]Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield[/COLOR][/B] >> Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield........... >> >> Because he said .... >> >> My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. >> >> Its tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! >> >> Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. >> >> A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home! >> >> A hooker once told me she had a headache. >> >> I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service. >> >> If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. >> >> I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.' >> >> I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off. >> >> I knew a girl so ugly... They use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. >> >> My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. >> >> I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning. >> >> The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.' >> >> My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. >> >> I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling. >> >> My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. >> >> My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. >> >> MY FAVORITE: >> >> My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with. [/QUOTE]
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