Wondering what everyone did today as their form of remembrance.
I’ve stated before I retired this year from the RCAF. 29 years of service, 20 of those flying helicopter SAR.
For myself, it took it’s toll. You can only see so many things that are heartbreaking, horrifying, disgusting or face the certainty that you are going to die so many times before you...”snap”.
A few years ago, I was diagnosed PTSD (along with numberous serious physical injuries). Seems I had just seen and done too much and it finally broke my brain to the point where I just couldn’t bring myself to get back into the airplane. This ended my career.
Not a sob story about me though, I did my duty, saved lives and made a difference. I was one of the best they had, and had been told that many times. I reached the rank of Master Warrant Officer. Only one rank down from as high as you can go for an NCO. Many of my senior commanders were dissapointed when I “broke” as they wanted me to reach Chief Warrant Officer and move into command in a senior postion. Oh well: “candy and nuts”...etc. Sure; I’m F-d up, but at least it was done in a job where I made a difference.
Although I had “cheated the reaper” my whole career, my freinds were not all so lucky. I’ve personally folded 9 Canadian flags during my career and attended 21 funerals for fallen SAR heros. That’s almost one per year for my time in SAR. It’s not a game for fools or the foolish. It’s deadly serious, for dedicated and commited professionals only. Even then, sometimes even being “the best” isn’t good enough to get you out of a scrape...
As a result of my “condtion”, one of the things I have trouble with is crowds. Too much noise, too much movement, too much chaos. I just can’t attend a “standard” ceremony without it making me go batchit crazy.
So I do a more personal thing. 14 wing has a “memorial park”. Basically, it’s part of the base museum where stones are erected to remember and honor those from 14 wing that have fallen. It’s always deserted on remembrance day as the base sends contingents to the legions across the region. Consequently, the base is a “ghost town”. So I go there and stand in front of the marker for my fallen brothers. I then removed my poppies and place them at the stones for Tusker 27 and Tusker 914.
Tusker 27 was a Labrador helicopter that exploded in mid air above Gaspe and took 6 of my comrades with it.
Tusker 914 was a Cormorant helicopter that was CFIT off Canso, NS. There were 7 on board 914, 3 were drowned in the crash. This one has special meaning for me and is part of my mental issues. You see, I was supposed to be one that flight that night. I had bought a house and our closing/moving day was the day of the crash. Rather than work all day and fly all night, my brother took my flight for me. Becuase he took my flight, my student had to come off and he took a different student with him. The student he took with him was a young man he and I had trained to fly, I had given him his wings that put him in the airplane that night and bought the house which changed the scheduke and put him in the airplane. My brother’s name was Duane Brazil, and he was my freind from long ago having gone through basic all the way up to our SAR course together. The student was Trevor McDavid, father of 2 and wife pregs with a third. They were both Flight Engineers and the third was Kirk Noel. A SAR Tech. That they died and I lived is something I will carry with me forever. Something as random as buying a house meant that I would live and they would die. “Survivor guilt” is one hell of a heavy monkey to carry around on your back the rest of your life...
So I make sure that I stand in front of their stone every Nov 11 at 11am. It’s the least I can do for the men who took my bullet for me.
It wasn’t all somber though: took the vette. Salty roads be damned....
I’ve stated before I retired this year from the RCAF. 29 years of service, 20 of those flying helicopter SAR.
For myself, it took it’s toll. You can only see so many things that are heartbreaking, horrifying, disgusting or face the certainty that you are going to die so many times before you...”snap”.
A few years ago, I was diagnosed PTSD (along with numberous serious physical injuries). Seems I had just seen and done too much and it finally broke my brain to the point where I just couldn’t bring myself to get back into the airplane. This ended my career.
Not a sob story about me though, I did my duty, saved lives and made a difference. I was one of the best they had, and had been told that many times. I reached the rank of Master Warrant Officer. Only one rank down from as high as you can go for an NCO. Many of my senior commanders were dissapointed when I “broke” as they wanted me to reach Chief Warrant Officer and move into command in a senior postion. Oh well: “candy and nuts”...etc. Sure; I’m F-d up, but at least it was done in a job where I made a difference.
Although I had “cheated the reaper” my whole career, my freinds were not all so lucky. I’ve personally folded 9 Canadian flags during my career and attended 21 funerals for fallen SAR heros. That’s almost one per year for my time in SAR. It’s not a game for fools or the foolish. It’s deadly serious, for dedicated and commited professionals only. Even then, sometimes even being “the best” isn’t good enough to get you out of a scrape...
As a result of my “condtion”, one of the things I have trouble with is crowds. Too much noise, too much movement, too much chaos. I just can’t attend a “standard” ceremony without it making me go batchit crazy.
So I do a more personal thing. 14 wing has a “memorial park”. Basically, it’s part of the base museum where stones are erected to remember and honor those from 14 wing that have fallen. It’s always deserted on remembrance day as the base sends contingents to the legions across the region. Consequently, the base is a “ghost town”. So I go there and stand in front of the marker for my fallen brothers. I then removed my poppies and place them at the stones for Tusker 27 and Tusker 914.
Tusker 27 was a Labrador helicopter that exploded in mid air above Gaspe and took 6 of my comrades with it.
Tusker 914 was a Cormorant helicopter that was CFIT off Canso, NS. There were 7 on board 914, 3 were drowned in the crash. This one has special meaning for me and is part of my mental issues. You see, I was supposed to be one that flight that night. I had bought a house and our closing/moving day was the day of the crash. Rather than work all day and fly all night, my brother took my flight for me. Becuase he took my flight, my student had to come off and he took a different student with him. The student he took with him was a young man he and I had trained to fly, I had given him his wings that put him in the airplane that night and bought the house which changed the scheduke and put him in the airplane. My brother’s name was Duane Brazil, and he was my freind from long ago having gone through basic all the way up to our SAR course together. The student was Trevor McDavid, father of 2 and wife pregs with a third. They were both Flight Engineers and the third was Kirk Noel. A SAR Tech. That they died and I lived is something I will carry with me forever. Something as random as buying a house meant that I would live and they would die. “Survivor guilt” is one hell of a heavy monkey to carry around on your back the rest of your life...
So I make sure that I stand in front of their stone every Nov 11 at 11am. It’s the least I can do for the men who took my bullet for me.
It wasn’t all somber though: took the vette. Salty roads be damned....
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