Elf

Elf

Power User
Feb 28, 2011
1,168
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North of Canada
VetteCoins
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2008m vert
No not in the Vett but the kitchen wall .They've been there for about 5 years and the wife is getting tired explaining them to company .

I know Canadians feel we're a little gun happy over here but i had to act in self defense as my wife and I both got assaulted and I didn't have many choices as things we're going down hill fast .I shot and killed the attacker and I'd do it again.

It started off as a bad day ,I was getting obscene phone calls .At my age I should be flattered but damn it all it was from a guy .Oddly enough some fella from Quebec (true) and I tried to find his number just in case anyone was interested. So I had to get his number blocked .Then I had to go to the doctors and get cortisone shots in both arms that I really really needed .Third I was in the local hardware store picking up some nails when I sneezed ,god did that hurt .I doubled over so bad they wanted to call an ambulance.

So I got home and the wife asked if I'd grill some burgers up back at the pool house .I'm grilling away and just talking to myself thinking maybe I should have my one beer for the month .(maybe six times) .My neighbor has a long driveway probably a quarter mile ,maybe more. I really don't associate with neighbors and just stay my distance and these people we're from New Jersey .:swear:Lizzie my dog and Butch my son's English Bull dog we're running around sniffin butt and playing .Then a goat ran down the neighbor's drive chasing a Suv .The SUV stopped at the end of the drive and someone got out and yelled "go home" I'm thinking smart puckin goat .The car turned left and was hidden by my house and than I realized the goat was still chasing the car and my dogs disappeared from sight :swear: Sure enough I ran down the drive as the goat met me half way .Lizzie thought it was a new friend to play with and Butch wanted a goat chop.The goat knocked me down and I had to use my head to get up with as my arms we're useless .I was almost up when the SOB knocked me down again .I"M PIZZED .if I could have gotten my belt off Ida strangled him while pokin his eyes out with a stick .All I had access to was a rake so I hit him as hard as I could with the butt end .Gave him a bloody nose and just about killed me .The wife is in the house not knowing whats going on .I open the house door and yelled for her to get the dogs in the house which she did .Figured I get into one of the trucks and the goat would wonder off .No such luck the dogs we're in the house and the goat barged through the door .Next thing I hear is my wife screaming for help -chit chit double chit .The wife is down in one corner of the kitchen and the goat is beating the chap out of her and the two dogs are on top of the goat.Lizzie who is mastiff and rotty decided that the wife was in distress and decided this wasn't a game anymore .My first thought was to slit the goats throat with the butcher knife but by this time I'm wasted .We keep a 22 pistol next to bed just in case of goats I guess .Couldn't get a good critical shot with everyone moving even two feet away .Didn't want to shoot the dogs and how would I explain to the police if I shot my wife .I was even scared I'd have a round pass though and kill a dog (or wife). Got six rounds off three went though the kitchen and dinning room wall the other three we're in the goat .I had a shell stuck and when I went to clear it the gun came apart and I was shaking so bad I couldn't get it back together.Got the wife and dogs into another room and than it was just me and Mr.goat who was trying to get up .I'm thinking if you get up it will be a fight to the death but he decided to lay there .Called the sheriff who happened to be only a half hour away .He and the animal rescue showed up dragged the goat out and shot him .they had to test the body for rabbies (negative)

So here we are fixing bullet holes and painting walls .There is more to the story but I didn't want to bore ya :D
 
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Did you call Homeland Security? Man it is dangerous living North of Canada.

So was the guy from Quebec and the Goat in on the caper together?

I am confused. :confused:
 
Did you call Homeland Security? Man it is dangerous living North of Canada.

So was the guy from Quebec and the Goat in on the caper together?

I am confused. :confused:
I'm not sure but I've gotten three PM's wanting the Quebec guy's number .I don't use names unless I'm in court .:nono:
 
LMAO! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

No wonder you want to cover the holes...telling that story over and over would tire one out!!
 
This incident happened at 7 pm and only one friend knew .I went to my usual restaurant for a 6am breakfast the next morning .I'm sitting there having my coffee and hadn't said a word to anyone .A fella says 'two eggs scrambled ,home fries ,wheat toast and oh yes give me some goat bacon. Next customer ordered goat sausage .

I had to move my wife to a hotel while a cleaning crew ripped up the carpet and cleaned up the blood .

Lizzie was traumatized but a ride in the truck to get an ice cream which fixed everything .Now my wife is still traumatized but didn't want to ride in the back of the truck to get an ice cream,hell worked for the dog .

I will take a few photos before I plug up the holes :D
 
Final score : Elf 1 goat 0 :D


This is an incredible journey, I tough I have had good ones whit the squirrel in the chimney, a bird at the shop rang the alarm at 3 am a Sunday morning (took me 1.5 hr to get ride of it), raccoons in the attic and a skunk trap in my garage but getting ram by a goat!!! :eek: I sure hope that I will never beat that one.
 
Final score : Elf 1 goat 0 :D


This is an incredible journey, I tough I have had good ones whit the squirrel in the chimney, a bird at the shop rang the alarm at 3 am a Sunday morning (took me 1.5 hr to get ride of it), raccoons in the attic and a skunk trap in my garage but getting ram by a goat!!! :eek: I sure hope that I will never beat that one.

Seems they've got some mean old goats up there in Maine.....:rofl:

Sorry STeve, I couldn't resist.:D

C.
 
The only good goat is a GTO! Glad you got em in the end and no one was too seriously hurt! Do the neighbors notice they have a goat missing? Did they apologize for their idiocy?

Thats chapter 2

It was their pet and the neighbor mentioned to the sheriff that legal action might be considered .And the sheriff polity explained they should kiss my azz (these people if you remember we're from New Jersey .)

about 6 months after they complained that MY foxes had killed their chickens .Yes there we're foxes living up back in a brush pile but they weren't mine ,they we're God's creatures .After the second complaint I said I'd take care of em .Got up early as the sun was just coming up and I had borrowed a shot 12 gauge from my son .Made a wide circle and got behind them and waited about a half hour .They exited their bough and I was able to shot both in quick order .
Now keep in mind I'm on my land but the neighbors built their house on my lot line .When fired I was directly under their bedroom window @5 am :rofl: It was great :rofl:

No goat ,no,chickens ,no foxes and the neighbors house is up for sale .
 
Why do I see another Reality Show coming folks?

What a great story now with even more twists and turns. North of Canada my butt, this has to be the deep south. :D :eek: :rofl:
 
My gut was still hurting from the goat story.....lol.....then you come out with the fox story......your killing me....to funny!! Again don't fix the bullet holes.......at least leave one....I fixed and painted walls for 12 years but i'm not giving you any hints!!
 
I'll click a couple I Phone shots so I can remember in my old age .I'll share when I get to Ontario this Spring /summer.
 
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