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Corvette
C4 Forum
1988 Convertible for sunny day drives
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<blockquote data-quote="Tourmax" data-source="post: 208737" data-attributes="member: 5304"><p>I’m actually not a violent man in any way, shape or form. Well, the occational ptsd overflow, but I usually feel it coming and make sure I’m FAAAAR away from people when it flares.</p><p></p><p>But I also won’t back away from violence if it has to be done. Nor will I look the other way if something is wrong, someone is being a bully or someone is in danger. To do so would be betraying the very essence of who I am at the core of my value system/principals.</p><p></p><p>30 years in the military at the “pointy end of the stick” has given me one or two “skills” when it comes to defending myself and the mentality that I can’t/won’t stand by if its happening to someone else. I’m trained as a “defender”, not an aggressor. Thats a hard thing to break when you’ve been doing it for 30 years, especially since its also one of my natural tendencies.</p><p></p><p>I try to be easy going, but when a situ develops, I shift from my usual mild self to “the operator” and then its a simple “see, assess, decide, act” process. I don’t even really think at that point, its just all reaction. It’s almost like I’m sitting back and watching someone else run my body, except that I still have the final “go/no go” decision. But once the “go” is given, I’m almost just along for the ride. No time to think about actions when in a survival situation, theres just one thought....MOVE! Right or wrong, its just act to maintain my survival. I do still have the decision that its over and time to stop though. “Restraint” is another CAF trait that I have beat into me.</p><p></p><p>Thats probably why it ended the way it did. Buddy boy was acting out rage, but my mind was running on “survival behind enemy lines“. There was no holding back on my part. Just cold, calculated, matter of fact survival instinct. Do whatever it takes to end it quickly, quietly and then get the hell out of there.</p><p></p><p>Thats why I’m usually worried about someone starting something that may prod me i to actions. As I mentioned, before I was RCAF aircrew. I was trained to survive, escape, resist and endure torture (if need be) behind enemy lines. Yes, I’ve been waterboarded. No, its definitely no joke. Yes, you definitely think you are going to die, even if its your own guys doing it to you for training purposes...</p><p></p><p>So among other things, I’ve been trained to kill with my bare hands. Quickly, quietly and how to “disappear” afterwards. I’m always worried if I get in a scuffle that my training will kick in (if its going badly for me) and before I know it, I’m trying to explain to the RCMP officer the dead guy on the ground in front of me. Thankfully, that didn’t happen this time. Other than laying the guy out, it was a fairly mild encounter. At least from a “fight” point of view.</p><p></p><p>Still, I’m in no way proud of what happened. As far as I can tell, I did nothing to start it all (except maybe being in the wrong place at the wrong time). The guy left me no choice, but that doesn’t mean I’m “happy” about anything that evolved that day.</p><p></p><p>But I’m still dealing with feelings of shame and depression. My fault or not, I never feel good about having to use violence. Violence is never the way, even of its forced upon you. The emotional messed up side of that is just a nice little side bonus from 30 years as an operator in the CAF.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tourmax, post: 208737, member: 5304"] I’m actually not a violent man in any way, shape or form. Well, the occational ptsd overflow, but I usually feel it coming and make sure I’m FAAAAR away from people when it flares. But I also won’t back away from violence if it has to be done. Nor will I look the other way if something is wrong, someone is being a bully or someone is in danger. To do so would be betraying the very essence of who I am at the core of my value system/principals. 30 years in the military at the “pointy end of the stick” has given me one or two “skills” when it comes to defending myself and the mentality that I can’t/won’t stand by if its happening to someone else. I’m trained as a “defender”, not an aggressor. Thats a hard thing to break when you’ve been doing it for 30 years, especially since its also one of my natural tendencies. I try to be easy going, but when a situ develops, I shift from my usual mild self to “the operator” and then its a simple “see, assess, decide, act” process. I don’t even really think at that point, its just all reaction. It’s almost like I’m sitting back and watching someone else run my body, except that I still have the final “go/no go” decision. But once the “go” is given, I’m almost just along for the ride. No time to think about actions when in a survival situation, theres just one thought....MOVE! Right or wrong, its just act to maintain my survival. I do still have the decision that its over and time to stop though. “Restraint” is another CAF trait that I have beat into me. Thats probably why it ended the way it did. Buddy boy was acting out rage, but my mind was running on “survival behind enemy lines“. There was no holding back on my part. Just cold, calculated, matter of fact survival instinct. Do whatever it takes to end it quickly, quietly and then get the hell out of there. Thats why I’m usually worried about someone starting something that may prod me i to actions. As I mentioned, before I was RCAF aircrew. I was trained to survive, escape, resist and endure torture (if need be) behind enemy lines. Yes, I’ve been waterboarded. No, its definitely no joke. Yes, you definitely think you are going to die, even if its your own guys doing it to you for training purposes... So among other things, I’ve been trained to kill with my bare hands. Quickly, quietly and how to “disappear” afterwards. I’m always worried if I get in a scuffle that my training will kick in (if its going badly for me) and before I know it, I’m trying to explain to the RCMP officer the dead guy on the ground in front of me. Thankfully, that didn’t happen this time. Other than laying the guy out, it was a fairly mild encounter. At least from a “fight” point of view. Still, I’m in no way proud of what happened. As far as I can tell, I did nothing to start it all (except maybe being in the wrong place at the wrong time). The guy left me no choice, but that doesn’t mean I’m “happy” about anything that evolved that day. But I’m still dealing with feelings of shame and depression. My fault or not, I never feel good about having to use violence. Violence is never the way, even of its forced upon you. The emotional messed up side of that is just a nice little side bonus from 30 years as an operator in the CAF..... [/QUOTE]
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Corvette
C4 Forum
1988 Convertible for sunny day drives
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